Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
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Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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