erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
