I want to stick my p in your. b.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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