If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wish life had little blips of pornography
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
