I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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