Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
