new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
