you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
