So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
