Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
