Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
