If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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