you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
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Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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