hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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