He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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