You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I love having hate sex.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
