I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
