trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
