So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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