just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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