good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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