You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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