Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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