our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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