You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
