Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
