we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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