Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
