do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
