He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
