at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
