Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
