So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
