I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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