everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
