I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
