Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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