Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
