It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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