Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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