She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
