Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
