I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.