fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wish I only lived at night.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
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You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.