Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh