"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i think i have two assholes
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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