what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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