she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
