I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
