just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
