if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
