I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
