Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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