he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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