Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
