Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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