If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
