I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
