I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
