laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I need moral support for this bender
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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