dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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