if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I stole a fireplace last night.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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