Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
jump out the window naked night went bad
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
