Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
