Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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